You’re Responsible for You
I wrote a bit recently about how it’s OK to ask for help, and in it I mentioned how we need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, but I only glossed over it a bit, so I thought maybe I’d write something today that goes into more detail.
So this won’t apply to everyone, because I know a lot of you are very responsible, and are already taking the necessary steps to improve your lives, but maybe it’s worth reading anyway as a reminder to keep up the good work. And maybe for some encouragement.
Anyway, I think you know where I’m going with this: start taking some responsibility for yourself. There, I said it.
Here’s the problem that I see very often with so many people. We focus so much on what we can’t do, and very little on finding an answer for the problem, so we give up easily and walk away and then make excuses to ensure that it’s never our fault. It’s actually a pretty selfish way to live.
It’s very easy to blame others for our problems, and since it’s so easy, we just go right ahead and do it. And, hell, it’s even expected and encouraged sometimes by our peers, since they’re kind of in the same boat and would rather blame others, too. And since they’re “on our side.” There is strength in numbers after all.
It’s good that your friends are there to support you when you need it, but at the same time, we should expect them to be honest with us if they really care. And we should be willing to accept some constructive criticism without getting offended.
But, unfortunately, that doesn’t happen enough, so we often end up thinking that we’re right even when we aren’t. And that means that someone else is wrong.
Well, I got news for you. You’re not always right. Sometimes you’re going to be wrong, and that means that it’s up to you to make it right, however that’s done. Perhaps it only requires you to concede a point, or to apologize, but sometimes it means that you will have to actually do something about it.
And when it comes to your personal development, doing something about it means taking the steps you need to take to change your life. And that means accepting that you’re going to make mistakes, and owning up to them, and then being responsible enough to correct them.
As I’ve said before, It’s OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and grow and change. But that will require putting in some work, and that requires some responsibility.
Now, to be clear, I’m not saying you have to do everything yourself. Getting help when you need it is very important.
Here’s the general rule in a nutshell: some things you will have to do yourself, but you can’t do everything yourself. And by contrast, sometimes you will need help from others, but you can’t expect others to do everything for you.
And that requires responsibility, the ability to admit when you’re wrong and take the blame, the ability to admit when you need help, the ability to help others when they need it, and the ability to stop being selfish.
A lot of times you’ll see it manifest itself in the form of laziness. You know the type as I’ve sort of already described: someone who doesn’t want to do anything really, so they make excuses for why they can’t, blame others for their problems, and are generally miserable, probably without knowing it.
There’s a lot of selfishness in laziness. And there’s a lot of selfishness in irresponsibility. You basically put others in the position of having to do things that you won’t do, or do things alone without your help. Or you put someone in the uncomfortable position of having to wait for you because you’re running late.
So my question is this (and I’m not aiming this directly at you, I’m aiming it at everyone, including myself): How selfish are you? Are you there to help others when they need it? Are you there to help yourself when you need it?
Yes, believe it. There is a selfishness in not helping yourself, as well. So stop making excuses. Stop walking away from a challenge. Stop telling yourself and others what you can’t do. Start focusing on what you can do, which, you’ll find, is a lot more than you expected.
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Brilliant post Mark –
This is something I really feel strongly about myself. It drives me mad when someone says or behaves as if they think that “it’s easier for them” because it totally negates the efforts those others have made to get where they are. You said (paraphrased) “there is a selfishness in laziness.. not taking responsibility… not helping yourself”. Spot on! I could not have said this better myself!
I know someone in particular who always thinks that “things are going to get better”, whilst doing nothing I can determine to actually change their lot. I know you never know exactly what is going on in someone else’s life, but I really do think that you make your own luck. If you want something really badly, you have to do everything in your power to make it happen (and that includes doing everything in your power to involve others as needed to make it happen if you can’t do it all yourself). Then if it does or doesn’t work out, at least you know you really tried and gave it your best shot. That way you can move on (albeit eventually if it was a “big thing”) instead of being stuck in the “what if” and “why is it easier for others” rut.
In the long run I think taking responsibility for your own successes and failures probably leads to fewer regrets. I, for one, am all for that!
Lovin’ your work, Mark!
Susan
Wow, Susan, very well said. You put that a lot more succinctly and clearly than I could have. From now on, will you write all of my posts for me? What do you say?
Thank you for your kind words.
LOL!