Are You Being Honest with Yourself?
Let’s face it, we’re all liars. I’m not talking about when we tell someone that those pants don’t make them look fat, or when we tell our parents that we didn’t steal any cookies. I’m talking about the way that we lie to ourselves every day, and then hinder our self growth.
I’ve written before about how we live in a culture of constant sugar-coating, which leads us to telling little white lies to others because we’re worried about hurting anyone’s feelings, and even considering that, we still so often find it easier to be honest with others than with ourselves.
Basically, we don’t want to tell ourselves the truth because we don’t want to hurt our fragile egos. And we all have fragile egos – some more so than others – and most of the time we don’t recognize that that’s what’s motivating us.
Of course, sometimes it’s easy to recognize. I’m sure you’ve known someone who was very arrogant, and bragged a lot about how wonderful they are. I have to admit that that type of personality gets under my skin pretty badly. I know that it shouldn’t. I know that I should let that sort of thing go, especially when I know that it’s coming from an extremely insecure person with a big need for attention. But that doesn’t change the fact that it bugs me, and that’s my issue to deal with.
But most of the time, a fragile ego isn’t so easy to recognize. Most of the time it’s more subtle. Especially when it comes out in ways that are seemingly acceptable, because they’re common amongst many people.
For example, when someone hurts our feelings by saying something we consider to be inappropriate. Most people will agree that it was inappropriate, and so we feel justified in our reaction. But sometimes the inappropriate comment was the absolute truth.
That reaction is bad for us. It’s much more important to know the truth and accept it, than to think that we’re always right. No one is always right. Plus, every now and then someone else will have a good point to make, even if we don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t do us any good to allow our feelings to be hurt.
You see, none of us want to look foolish in front of others, naturally. We’re worried about what others will think, so we always want to seem like we’re right, and then we end up covering things up and not being able to admit when we’ve made a mistake. Well, let me tell you, being honest with yourself is much more important than being popular.
So what happens? We end up making excuses for ourselves instead of facing the facts. The facts might be something like you want to lose weight, but you haven’t made any efforts to change your eating habits. But you tell yourself, “Oh sure I have. I didn’t have any chocolate yesterday.” Wow, that oughtta get the job done.
Or maybe you know you should quit smoking, but you don’t bother with any of the necessary steps because you’ve convinced youself of the classic line, “I can quit anytime I want to.” Essentially giving yourself an excuse to never quit. My response to that is always, “So then quit right now.” But no one ever wants to.
Or maybe you tell yourself that now isn’t a good time to try to make a change because of whatever reason you’ve concocted. Well, actually, now is the perfect time. In fact, the only thing you really have control over is what you do right now. Success coach Lee Milteer often says, “Your point of power in this lifetime is this moment.” And she’s absolutely right.
So, what I’m trying to get to in a long winded, round-about way, is that it’s important to be honest with yourself. If you’ve made a mistake, then admit it so that you can fix it. If you don’t cop to your mistakes, then you’ll never learn how to get it right, and you’ll never grow.
If you need help with something, such as dieting or quitting smoking, then get help. There are plenty of professionals everywhere who can help. If you don’t admit when you need help, then again, you’ll never grow.
By that same token, if you’re very good at something, then don’t be shy about it. Embrace it, work on it and optimize it as best you can. It might be a path to a new career, or a great hobby. If you’re not honest about your strengths, then once again, you’ll never grow.
So, in short, you’ll never get anywhere if you’re willing to lie to yourself about your strengths, or when you’re right or wrong, or about how far you’ve progressed and how much of a change you’ve made.
There are so many things that you can achieve if you try.
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