Change Your Life | Rock the World

It’s been rumored that football coach Vince Lombardi once said, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” But I’ve also heard tell that he actually never said any such thing, and that it’s just one of those stories. And that’s good, because that is one batshit crazy thing to say, and unfortunately, it’s been taken on almost as a mantra by a lot of people.

For some reason, we have a way of turning everything into a competition. I don’t know if it’s our nature as humans, or if it’s learned, but it’s there. And it’s strong. And, in my opinion, it’s a very big sign of insecurity.

Maybe that doesn’t make any sense, so let me explain. I know that a lot of people think that competition brings out the best in us. And that’s true in some cases, but it can easily be taken too far.

For example, for centuries, cultures or countries grew and progressed because of their desire to stay ahead of other countries when it came to technological advancements, and that led to breakthroughs in medicine, transporation, and in fact, civil rights. But that same spirit of competition has often gone so far as to cause countries to devolve into war and oppression.

OK, so that’s a bigger scale than I mean to express, but I wanted to illustrate my point a bit. Here’s what I’m getting at. Let me start at the beginning. We humans are easily led into groups. If you live in society, you belong to a group, and most likely many groups. Some of them you belong to without intentionally joining, such as a group described by a physical trait like your gender, your race, your height, your weight. Or it might be a geographical group like your neighborhood, your city, your state, or your country.

And then, of course there are groups that you join, such as the dart team at your local pub, or becoming a fan of a professional sports franchise.

Well, most of these groups at some point or another are going to have a problem with another group that’s different than their own. Something that causes disagreements, anger and maybe even violence. And we, as humans, often just go along with it.

So that leads me to believe that we either must have some amount of need for it, or that we just don’t have the strength to stand up to the old “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” mentality. We think that we find strength in numbers. But it isn’t actually so.

I’ve written before about how hard it is to stand alone against the crowd, and I do think that it’s the truly remarkable person, and the truly secure and confident person, who can continually do that.

So these divisions often create hate and dischord between us. They lead us to this idea that our group has to be better than that other group, and we have to win at all costs, no matter what.

You probably heard the expression, when you were a kid that “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” For some reason, as adults we forget that and only focus on winning. How you win doesn’t matter anymore, just if you win.

And that’s why we end up with so much cheating, and steroid use, and screwing people over for money, and “why do you hate your country?” chatter. Because winning and being #1 is more important than anything else, and they’ll step over or manipulate anyone to get it.

But if you had to cheat to win, then it’s not really winning, is it?

I think that how you win is much more important than if you win, but I guess not enough people see it that way

So how does this apply to your personal development? I’m glad you asked. You may have already read my article about how it doesn’t do you any good to keep comparing yourself to everyone else, so I don’t want to repeat myself and bore you to tears, but I do want to add a bit to it, if I may.

Real personal progress comes from positivity and confidence in yourself. Not arrogance, mind you, but a belief that you can achieve what you want and change your life for good. Well, positivity comes from positivity. If we’re constantly turning everything into a competition, and constantly needing to win, then we’re creating more and more negativity around ourselves. We’re creating anger and bad feelings.

But we could be creating positive situations, if we wanted to. It’s important for your self growth to be positive, and to be around positive uplifting people. Why would anyone sabotage that?

Yet, some people do. I know people who can’t play a board game without turning it into a war, and what could have been a fun game with friends, almost always ends with a fight.

I know people who can’t have a conversation without it getting ugly, like they have to be right all of the time about even the smallest details. They don’t have the self confidence to be wrong, so they refuse to see or even consider the other point of view, and they just sound angry. Very few people want to be thrust into an angry competition when they’re just having a chat.

Is it really more important to go to bed every night secure in the knowledge that you were right (so you think), while everyone you know is pissed off at you?

And don’t get me started on how sports fans act towards each other. It can be pathetic and embarrassing. And they’re not even involved in the actual competition. In fact, the people competing – let’s call them the athletes – are often much more civil towards each other than the people who are supposed to just be watching them play. How does that make any sense?

I’m not saying we should all sit around a campfire and sing Kumbaya together. I understand that there is such a thing as competition, and as I already explained, there are times when it can be good for you. But there’s a limit. You don’t always have to be #1. In fact, you can’t always be #1.

Wouldn’t it be nice to spend more time in moments that you can enjoy and feel good about? Think of how much self confidence you’ll have. Think about how much more you can accomplish if you start off from a place of positivity, rather than anger and self doubt.

So my recommendation is to keep yourself as far away from the negative elements as you can, and focus on the positive: good people, helpful support, constructive criticism, the confidence to be wrong and make mistakes, and real achievement.

Related posts:

1. We’re All Guilty Until Proven Innocent
2. Replacing Fear with Self Confidence
3. Not Everything is an Enemy to be Defeated
4. There’s No Reason to Get So Offended
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Admit Your Faults