Yes, They Will Criticize You
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you might as well know that you’re not perfect. I know that, if you’re like most people, then as a child, your mother went out of her way to tell you over and over again that you’re her perfect little angel, and that was very nice of her. I’m sure it made you feel special at a very young age. But I’m not your mother. Not today, anyway.
I’m much more interested in telling you the truth about yourself. And it’s most likely something you already know, even if you haven’t admitted it to yourself yet. Here it is again: you’re not perfect.
And you’re never going to be. Which is why it’s incredibly important that you come to understand that you’re not right all the time and learn how to accept criticism from others. It’s very easy to allow yourself to get offended and storm out of the room in a huff, but what good is that going to do for you?
I know what you’re thinking, “But the bad man hurt my feelings.” Well, I’m shocked an appalled at his behavior, but I’m also a little confused by the fact that you couldn’t take his comments in stride and maybe even learn from them.
I remember seeing one of those inspirational quotes that says, “To escape criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Which is kind of the same as saying, “If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”
So for example, I get shit for this website sometimes. Not often. And I get a lot more positive feedback than negative feedback, so that’s good. But if I wasn’t able to deal with it, I’d have quit a long time ago. Basically, if you’re going to put yourself online, then you’re going to get some criticism. People are very brave with their comments when they can do it anonymously from their computer.
And frankly, people are going to criticize you. They’re going to criticize everyone and everything. That’s just what people love to do. We all do it. But remember that criticism isn’t always negative. According to my old Webster’s dictionary, the first definition of criticism is “the act of making judgments; analysis of qualities and evaluation of comparative worth.” So it can sometimes just be a judgment call. Kind of like a film critic reviewing a movie.
Yes, it’s true that a lot of people are just going to say awful things without any basis in fact or reason. That’s fine. Those are the people you need to learn to ignore.
And there are going to be people who only ever tell you what you can’t do. The naysayers. Those are also people who’s comments you need to ignore.
But there are also those people who care a lot about you, and want what’s best for you, and are actually trying to help when they offer you their opinion.
You mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn to differentiate between them. It shouldn’t be too hard, if you think about it. You should already know who you can trust. And if you’re not sure, then take a long, hard look at your interactions with that person and ask yourself a few questions.
Does this person usually react positively or negatively?
Is this person calm and rational?
Does this person help me out when I need it without asking for anything in return? In other words, is this a selfless, giving person?
Is this the type of person who is understanding, or the type of person who minces words and overreacts?
Is this the type of person who usually offers encouragement or discouragement?
Is this the type of person who allows you to speak, or insists on doing all of the speaking themselves?
Would this person ever try to intentionally hurt my feelings?
And so on. If you approach it logically, you’ll be able to figure out if this is someone who you can trust to give you some constructive criticism when you need it.
And they may not always be right. They’re not perfect either. I’ve heard an old adage saying something along the lines that nobody is. But that’s OK. If they’re trying to help, then their advice should at least be considered. Even if you don’t agree, and you’re not going to follow it.
You’re going to need help from time to time. So why not enlist the help of the people you trust?
I know that a lot of people don’t like to accept help from others, especially when it’s something that they think they’re good at. But that’s just crazy talk. There are two things to consider. One, there’s always going to be someone who’s better at that thing. And two, even if they’re not, isn’t it worth getting something done in half the time, if possible? You’ll get by with a little help from your friends.
I’ve heard another old adage about two heads being better than one.
Believe it or not, there are some people out there who care enough about you to tell you the truth, and not just “yes” you to death. And they care enough about you to honestly want to help you and not themselves first.
The trick is to be smart about it. Learn who’s opinion you can trust, and learn who to ignore. You’ll go a long way.
I write a lot about positive and negative reactions. Well, getting angry and taking offense is a very negative way to live. But being able to accept criticism is a very positive way to live, and I think you’ll be much happier when you try it.
Related posts:
Get regular updates about new articles and interviews.
