Drop That Negative Attitude
My wife and I were talking recently about someone we know who seems to spend an awful lot of time pointing out and talking about all of the bad stuff that happens, as if that’s all that ever happens. And it’s a shame because this is a good person with a lot of great qualities to feel positive about.
So it got me to thinking. And I think that it’s exactly that type of attitude that keeps bad things happening to someone. But I don’t mean that bad things happen because you’re in a bad mood, and it’s karmic, and all you need to do is be cheery and good things will happen. Or anything like that.
What I mean is much more simple than that. Basically, if you’re always focusing on the negative, then that’s all you’re going to see. And that starts to wear you down, and then you don’t have the energy or the desire for making changes or doing anything positive.
So you’ve really created your own misfortune.
Frankly, everyone in the world has good luck and bad luck at different times. I know a lot of people who think that they’re cursed, and that the other guy has all the luck, but that’s simply not true. In fact, that’s not even possible.
Oh sure, you could have a run of bad luck or a run of good luck, but it’s really just chance, and the whole thing balances out in the long run.
For the record, I believe in luck, but not in the way you might think. I don’t believe in good luck charms, or that black cats and the number 13 are cursed. But there are many things that happen that are just plain lucky or unlucky. For example if another driver hits your car (and it’s no fault of your own), well that’s just bad luck. Yes, it’s bad driving or irresponsibility on the part of the other driver, but that’s nothing you can control. You just got hit with bad luck.
So yes, those things happen. You will have some bad luck from time to time, but you will have some good luck, too. And you do quite often, you just have to be able to recognize it.
But enough about luck. Let me try to get back on point here.
If you constantly accentuate the negative, what do you think will happen? Well, I’ll be happy to tell you. In short, people are going to get sick of your shit.
Your friends and family care about you, and they want to be there for you when you need them, but there is a balance here. You can’t expect everyone to listen to you complain all the time. It’s too much to ask. They probably want to enjoy their lives when they can, and they probably don’t want you to bring them down.
If you’re in a bad mood all day, every day, then you’re not going to have many friends. Simple as that. And friends are important. But more importantly, you’re going to feel like crap all of the time. So why do it? Especially when there’s no need to be in a bad mood all day, every day.
Sure, we all have bad days, and we’ll sometimes need a shoulder to cry on, and that’s what friends are for, but that’s not what friends are for 24/7. Think about it. Would you want to listen to someone bitch about their life all day, especially when you know that they don’t have it any worse than you or anyone else? Of course not.
You can always find something to complain about if you want to. But you can also try doing something about it.
And in the interest of covering my ass, I’d like to point out that I’m not saying that if you have a problem, you should just shut up and deal with it. I always recommend seeking out the proper help for what ails ya, such as life coaches for anyone who wants a new career, and AA for anyone who wants to quit drinking.
That’s not really the subject I’m covering today. I’m talking about your own general happiness. Your happiness is up to you. And you can find it by simply creating it yourself.
Remember when I said that you create you own misfortune? Well, you create your own good fortune, too.
Think about it. If you focused on the positive things that happen (and they do happen) and accepted the negative things as inevitable, but necessary, then you’d have no choice but to be happier in general.
Then what? You can feel good about your achievements, and build on them. You start to attract more people. You have more friends, people who want to be around you. People who want to help you with your problems, because you’re not overloading them with your problems.
I think it’s true that misery loves company, and that miserable people want everyone else to be miserable, too. I guess, to satisfy their egos. Well, joy also loves company. And positive people want the people around them to feel positive, too.
For example, think about the last time you felt good about something. Maybe it was because of something you achieved successfully. Or maybe it was just a funny story. You probably wanted to share it with everyone you knew, and tell them all about it. Spreading the joy, as it were.
Well, that’s life. You can spread joy or you can spread misery. You can focus on the bad stuff, or you can focus on the good stuff. Just keep in mind that the decision is yours, and no one else’s. If you decide to wallow, then that’s your decision. But you can also decide to focus on your success – past and future – if you want to.
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This is the line you wrote that really sent me thinking:
“For example, think about the last time you felt good about something.”
In every seminar I present (4 in the past 6 days, between Venice, Italy and Chicago, IL), I talk about how I send “Thank You” cards out every day. Yep, a hand-written, old-fashioned, text-rich thank you card.
Over the past several years that I’ve been doing this (and when I say every day, I really do mean 5 a week!), I have finally found the very reason I think this is so important:
For the 3-5 minutes that I write that card, I am steeping in gratitude. I get to think about how lucky/fortunate/blessed/ready I am. It’s amazing, give it a try. Go out to Hallmark, or Papyrus…buy 10 cards, and make a deal with yourself to send one out every day for the next 10 work-days. Do this early in the morning, and you’ll see what an impact a little bit of gratitude can have on the rest of your day!
That’s excellent advice, Jason. Some people are probably going to think that it’s too much work to send a card every day, but is it really?
Thanks for sharing. I will give it a try.