Change Your Life | Rock the World

Last week, I wrote an article about focusing on the positive things in your life, and trying not accentuate the negative, so that you can to start to feel better about your life, and maybe even start making some important changes.

And I stand by what I wrote, but I want to add a little more to it from sort of the other perspective.

So rather than focusing on our own positive/negative attitudes, I want to focus on dealing with negativity that you get from others. I’m not necessarily talking about the naysayers, although they definitely count as negative. I’m talking more about the people we know who constantly complain about how bad their lives are, and everything else, for that matter.

We hear it a lot, especially at work. You know the people I’m talking about. How could you miss them? They rarely seem to have anything good to say. Everything that happens is terrible. Everyone they meet is an ass hole. And so on.

Well, first of all, that’s obviously not true. There are plenty of pain in the ass people out there, but not everyone is. In fact, I would argue that very few people actually are, but they tend to stick out because of their obnoxiousness, and they tend to be easier to notice and easier remember. So I recommend trying to notice when someone isn’t like that. You’ll probably count a lot more non-ass holes.

It’s kind of like when people here in New York City complain about the subway system. I admit that there is a lot to dislike about it, and I think it’s poorly run, but some people are so used to complaining about it, that the slightest delay prompts them to go on about how it’s always a mess. I used to be one of those people. I’ve since decided not to be one of those people, and I try to pay attention to when I get on the train and get to where I’m going without anything noticeable happening. Which, it turns out, is most of the time. So the good (or rather, the unnoticeable) clearly outweighs the bad.

But back to my original point about negativity. Here’s what happens, as an example: I used to work as a manager in a retail location. I would often hear from my employees about how every customer sucks, and I’d have to tell them that that simply isn’t true. Only the one guy who annoyed you earlier was a problem. Everyone else picked out their items and made their purchase with no trouble whatesoever, and you’re profiling, and don’t do that.

But they were so negative about their job, and maybe even their lives in general, that they couldn’t see anything good about it. It’s easier to complain, but it isn’t particularly accurate.

Anyway, my point is these people exist in many places, so I’m sure you’ve seen them in action, and I don’t want them to bring you down with them. So here’s my advice the next time you’re faced with someone who complains too much.

I’m not going to recommend that you tell them to shut up and then walk away in a huff. That’s just rude, and uncalled for. Instead, just smile politely and nod (which is what you’re probably doing already, be honest), and make your getaway as best you can without giving them something, and someone else to complain about.

Try not to add too much to the conversation, or else you’re contributing to the bad feeling. Maybe say something simple like, “Yeah, that sucks” or “That’s a shame” or “What can you do?” or something like that. I don’t know what, exactly. Use your discretion.

Eventually, they’ll stop coming to you to bitch about everything, because it’ll sink in that they can’t get a rise out of you, and that you’re not going to wallow in their misery with them. Remember, misery loves company. They want others to whine along in unison. And the odds are pretty good that they’ll find someone else to oblige them, so you might as well let them.

Kind of the way my mother used to tell me to ignore those big mean bullies when I was a kid, and they’d stop picking on me. Come to think of it, that actually didn’t work. They stopped picking on me when I started pushing back and not taking their crap. Bullies are generally all talk and no action, but that’s a story for another time.

Anyway, I figure your choices are to stay out of it, or let their negativity drain the life out of you. Or maybe, if you’re feeling brave, push back a little bit, and let them know that not everything is doom and gloom, and there is plenty to feel good about.

Of course, that won’t work with everyone. Some people are hoplelessly committed to their misery, without really knowing why or what they’re so unhappy about. Kind of like when Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is asked what feminine wiles are, and he says, “I don’t know, but I’m agin’ em.” What can you do? If you see that that’s the case, then I don’t recommend getting involved in too much conversation with that person.

But there are plenty of people on the fence who could probably be conviced to cross over to your side. It can’t hurt to try.

But more important than that is your own happiness, so be sure to consider that, whatever you do. And don’t let the negativity that you get from others keep you from your own success.

Related posts:

1. Drop That Negative Attitude
2. We’re All Guilty Until Proven Innocent
3. Yes, They Will Criticize You
4. It’s Always Easier to Complain
5. Winning Isn’t Everything