I might be stating the obvious here, but from what I’ve seen, I’d say that there’s a direct correlation between how responsible and capable someone is and how giving they are towards others.
I sort of see it as a long line, kind of like a string. On one end are the people who take care of their own shit, are helpful and supportive towards the people they care about, and generally have a very positive attitude. On the other end are the people who are lazy, selfish and negative. And then, of course, there are the varying degrees in between.
What the people at the negative end don’t seem to understand is that when they selfishly hoard more stuff for themselves, they actually end up with less than they would have if they were more willing to give it away.
Let me explain. First of all, I’m not talking about some some vague theory about the universe bringing you what you want when you’re creating good energy and being in tune with the world, or something like that. I don’t know anything about that stuff. Read more...
It probably sounds weird to hear someone tell you to take a vacation, since we all love vacations so much, and look forward to them almost all of the time, but believe it or not, there are still a lot of folks who need to be told.
You might be surprised by the number of people who never actually get around to taking any free time. And you might be surprised by the negative effects that can have on you.
How do I know? Because that was me. That was me for many years.
I worked a job where I was given 5 weeks of vacation time each year. And each year I’d use maybe 3 or 4 days. And even those were hard to get out of me.
I figured that if I missed a day of work, then who was going to do my job for me while I was gone? No one. And so it wouldn’t get done, and when I got back from vacation, I’d have that much more work to do to catch up.
And that was a giant pile of horse shit. Read more...
I’ve had the good fortune over the years to meet, and sometimes interview, a number of people who make their livings by helping others. People with jobs as teachers, social workers, doctors, drug and alcohol counselors, life coaches, therapists, etc.
And I’ve found one very important thing in common in all of them (at least the ones who do their jobs well): they know when to help, and they know when not to help.
OK, so maybe you’re thinking, “When not to help? But didn’t their clients come to them for as much help as is humanly possible?”
Well, yes. Sort of. They went looking for help, but they’re not going to find any if what they really want is for someone to take them by the hand and guide them through every step of their lives for them.
That just doesn’t work. And that’s why the people who get the most out of any type of coaching are the ones who are actually willing to take what they’ve learned and apply it, thereby taking some responsibility for their lives, and maybe – just maybe – learning to take care of themselves. Read more...
If you’re human – and I’m pretty sure you are – then at some point in your life you’ve been faced with making a decision that you didn’t want to make.
It could have been something not-too-pressing like what you’re going to have for lunch. Or it could have been something major like what college to go to, or what career to pursue.
Either way, if it was one of those “I’m not sure what to do” moments, then you know what I’m talking about. And you know that this comes up a lot in everyday life.
It’s actually a major source of stress for a lot of people. But believe it or not, what causes the most stress isn’t necessarily making the wrong decision, it’s when we haven’t yet come to any decision.
A lot of people don’t realize that, because not deciding anything seems a lot easier, at least in the short term. Think about it. You can always procrastinate and avoid any kind of immediate responsibility, but how long is that really going to work? You can’t simply wait out your problems expecting them to eventually go away. If you ever want to make some real changes, then at some point you’re going to have to decide to say “yes” to one of your options, and that means that you’re on the hook for your decision and the results that come from it. Read more...
A few months back, I was watching an episode of The Daily Show, as I often do, and good ol’ Jon Stewart had a guest on by the name of Atul Gawande, who was there to plug his book The Checklist Manifesto
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I was really intrigued by their conversation. The Checklist Manifesto is essentially about getting things done efficiently. Atul Gawande is a surgeon, and he found that going through a specific checklist to make sure that every last detail has been taken care of before starting any given surgery works infinitely better than just trying to remember everything, and prevents a ton of possible complications. He has exact numbers for comparison. You should check it out.
Having a written checklist kept a lot of the mundane tasks from being forgotten, or just ignored. Because too often, something would go wrong, and that mundane task that wasn’t completed and prepared beforehand, just caused a huge problem. And that’s not good in a serious situation, like, I don’t know, performing surgery.
So, OK, checklists are good, and they make people more efficient and better prepared. I’m not telling you anything new. What surprised me was when I found out how many people, particularly in the medical field that Gawande describes, are resistant to using them. Read more...
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