It probably sounds weird to hear someone tell you to take a vacation, since we all love vacations so much, and look forward to them almost all of the time, but believe it or not, there are still a lot of folks who need to be told.
You might be surprised by the number of people who never actually get around to taking any free time. And you might be surprised by the negative effects that can have on you.
How do I know? Because that was me. That was me for many years.
I worked a job where I was given 5 weeks of vacation time each year. And each year I’d use maybe 3 or 4 days. And even those were hard to get out of me.
I figured that if I missed a day of work, then who was going to do my job for me while I was gone? No one. And so it wouldn’t get done, and when I got back from vacation, I’d have that much more work to do to catch up.
And that was a giant pile of horse shit. Read more...
I’ve had the good fortune over the years to meet, and sometimes interview, a number of people who make their livings by helping others. People with jobs as teachers, social workers, doctors, drug and alcohol counselors, life coaches, therapists, etc.
And I’ve found one very important thing in common in all of them (at least the ones who do their jobs well): they know when to help, and they know when not to help.
OK, so maybe you’re thinking, “When not to help? But didn’t their clients come to them for as much help as is humanly possible?”
Well, yes. Sort of. They went looking for help, but they’re not going to find any if what they really want is for someone to take them by the hand and guide them through every step of their lives for them.
That just doesn’t work. And that’s why the people who get the most out of any type of coaching are the ones who are actually willing to take what they’ve learned and apply it, thereby taking some responsibility for their lives, and maybe – just maybe – learning to take care of themselves. Read more...
If you’re human – and I’m pretty sure you are – then at some point in your life you’ve been faced with making a decision that you didn’t want to make.
It could have been something not-too-pressing like what you’re going to have for lunch. Or it could have been something major like what college to go to, or what career to pursue.
Either way, if it was one of those “I’m not sure what to do” moments, then you know what I’m talking about. And you know that this comes up a lot in everyday life.
It’s actually a major source of stress for a lot of people. But believe it or not, what causes the most stress isn’t necessarily making the wrong decision, it’s when we haven’t yet come to any decision.
A lot of people don’t realize that, because not deciding anything seems a lot easier, at least in the short term. Think about it. You can always procrastinate and avoid any kind of immediate responsibility, but how long is that really going to work? You can’t simply wait out your problems expecting them to eventually go away. If you ever want to make some real changes, then at some point you’re going to have to decide to say “yes” to one of your options, and that means that you’re on the hook for your decision and the results that come from it. Read more...
Last week I wrote an article about taking the time to enjoy yourself rather than viewing whatever it is you’re doing as a race to the finish line, and in it I wrote that we also shouldn’t look at our personal development as an enemy to be defeated.
And I thought, “Hey, that’s kinda catchy. I should write an article about that.” So here we are.
A few months ago, I was talking to my sister, as I am wont to do on occasion, and she told me a story about two gentlemen that she and her husband know who were at odds with each other about something at the time. Most likely something stupid. The details of the argument don’t really matter, especially since I can’t remember them at all. The only part of the story that really matters is that one of the two gentlemen, when asked to patch things up, said something along the lines of – and I’m paraphrasing here – “No way. I play to win.”
And my first response was, “Win what?”
To which my sister replied, “I don’t know.” Read more...
Somebody please explain to me why everyone is in such a goddamn hurry.
OK, not everyone. But I live in New York City, and it sure seems like everyone here – and in a number of other parts of the world – are constantly in one hell of a rush only about 100% of the time. I may be from New York, but I’m not sure if I behave like a typical New Yorker. At least not anymore.
Yes, I used to be that guy. Luckily, I got over it before it was too late and I had a heart attack from the stress. Which isn’t to say that I’m never running late, or that I never need to get a move on. Of course I do. But it happens a lot less often than it used to since I’ve learned to plan my time more effectively.
I don’t like being in a rush. I don’t like the indigestion I get from feeling like I’m going to be late. But more importantly, I feel like I’m missing something very important.
And that very important thing is whatever the hell I’m rushing past at the moment. Read more...
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